It is a rule of thumb that I rarely blog about what goes on in my personal life, so I know I'm inevitably projecting this really hazy picture about what really is going on in my personal life.  
Thing is, even I don't dissect my relationships to crystal clarity. 

I dated Mr Big for almost two years, on again, off again.
(I searched through my archives but couldn't find any posts solely on him, but here's half a post about him - yes 10 months ago I was that head-over-heels and - *gasp* ditzy).

After the Big break I briefly saw another guy, who was incidentally (or conveniently?) my first boyfriend many a years ago.   He checked almost all the boxes on my parents' approve-list, or my mum's to the very least (I'd like to think that dad will never say there's such a thing as a guy good enough for me), yet it never did amount to much in the end. 

Hitherto I went cold turkey on boys, spending more time instead on myself.  However I somehow (reluctantly) arrive at the conclusion where 'spending more time on myself' is actually a better way of saying zero social life. 
And honestly?  The whole self-empowering alone time is really, not my thing. 

Now, I unwittingly slumped into a solid yet non-exclusive love-hate thing going on, with Mr Big, again - yes we have the two opposite emotions being the fundamentals of our relationship.  How does this work?  Don't look to me for answers, it's only my first love-hate.

Other than some oh-no-u-didn'ts and eyerolls from friends, along with an exorbitant amount of self-loathe churned together with starry-eyed optimism, I can very reassuringly say that I still don't know if Big is here to stay. 

==

Yet this time I am good, I know I am good.  Just gimme the one-way ticket and I'll pack a bag;  but I won't bulge one bit if we ain't flying there.